Not only was I a vet tech in my younger years (talk about inappropriate elimination, wait til you have a Dobie with impacted anal glands), but my ex was a Navy dropout with a serious tequila problem. More than once I had to deal with him launching a brown submarine off our back porch when he didn't feel like coming into the house to go potty like a big boy. He said since we were on 80 acres and there were no neighbors, the smell shouldn't bother anyone. Unfortunately, my kitchen window was just a few feet away.
Nor am I completely innocent myself. I used to be on a dart league. Beer and long games of cricket can make for quite the challenge, particularly when the British boys have clogged up BOTH restrooms at the bar.
But that rumor about me peeing in the ashtray in my friend's car? Nope. Not gonna verify that one. Nope, nope, nope. INNOCENT, I tell you. Really.