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Direct Mail EDDM Need Some help with a Headline

bob519

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Oct 28, 2011
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Disregard the Video .
\The headline sucks on this postcard I need something Good . Any Ideas ?
Re doing the whole ad need some ideas to appeal to the decision maker .
 

John Rockwood

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Since you are mailing to Commercial accounts I would delete "Commercial Carpet Cleaning".
Take out the High Traffic description and say "Restoration Cleaning experts". The way it reads now it seems to say that your VLM process is inferior when compared to a Truck Mount.
Remove the comparison to a TM on reappearing stains.You are kind of shooting yourself in the foot since you use HWE on your restoration cleaning.
Everything else looks good.
You can qualify the method vs condition when you are face to face. Good luck.
 

Mike Krall

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Resoiling with HWE?

I don't know if it's because it's an image, but that yellow hurts my eyes.

Need to say on there call for FREE estimate.

Headline: We Offer the Area's Best & Most Dependable Carpet Cleaning...
 

bob519

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Resoiling with HWE?

I don't know if it's because it's an image, but that yellow hurts my eyes.

Need to say on there call for FREE estimate.

Headline: We Offer the Area's Best & Most Dependable Carpet Cleaning...
There is too much going on it does hurt the eyes .
 

Hitman

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The layout is a bit unorganized....but that's not the most important thing. Like you said, the headline is most important.

I would avoid starting any headline with WE. I know it's tempting, but that doesn't put your prospect on a pedestal.

Instead, "You'll Get Great Looking Carpet All Year Long" or "You'll Get the Area's Most Dependable Carpet Cleaning Company."

Avoid saying BEST...it's too generic and non-meaningful. Unless you can prove you are in the best in an ad, don't put it in the ad.
 

Heman kuma

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You can try to give it a funny tone to stand out from the competition... The point is everyone is using same kinda boring Headlines. I like to use funny one just to be little more creative. and i ve got good response from the customers. But again its personal preference.. Just mt two cents..Check my site here http://www.wellingtoncarpetcleaner.co.nz/
 

Prosteam-sonomacounty

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You can try to give it a funny tone to stand out from the competition... The point is everyone is using same kinda boring Headlines. I like to use funny one just to be little more creative. and i ve got good response from the customers. But again its personal preference.. Just mt two cents..Check my site here http://www.wellingtoncarpetcleaner.co.nz/
"A carpet cleaner and a Rabbi walk into a bar..."
 

Copywriter

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You might need to take a moment and map out your prospect a bit more. What's their biggest concern? Is it dry times? Recurring stains? Money savings? Overall appearance? You list it out on the backside a bit, but try to address the main one in the headline.

Here are a few headline ideas off the top of my head.

Are your carpets turning customers away?
Let us help you have great-looking carpet all year long!

Is your carpet cleaner leaving you with wet, soggy carpet?
Try our low-moisture process for clean carpet that dries in less than 2 hours!

Can you afford to waste a day waiting for wet carpet to dry?
Try our low-moisture process for clean, residue-free carpet that dries in as little as 2 HOURS!

Want clean carpet that dries 300% faster?
Check out Elements' low-moisture commercial cleaning service!
 

Mama Fen

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As a consumer, I'd find that much text to be a headache, I'd skip it and move to the next ad. Tl;dr.

Important points -

SAFETY. Building isn't open.
FAST DRY. Business can resume.

Comparing yourself to HWE is done better in person or on video. Too much to cover in a text ad.

And I wouldn't use a hotel carpet as a highlight of cleanliness - too many people associate low-price hotels with dirty, cheap, dark environments. A doctor's office, dentist's office, or high-end business would be better IMHO.
 
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