Thread: My 1st TV Commercial

Joseph and the rest of you guys I truly appreciate the feedback and candor of it. I know that there are a lot of great professionals here at TMF that can help me take my business to the next level and I am grateful. I won't address the positives since most are in agreeance that it is a quality shoot by Jared. So I will address the points of improvement suggested;

Hair cut-Well I am 50 yrs old and I guess I am hanging on to what I have. But for the next one I'll take that into consideration.

Tired-I was not tired but the sun was very bright and it caused me to sqint. And did I mention I'm 50?

Rushed-I only had 30 seconds to show what we offer so the intro had to move along imho.

Call to Action-I really lost sleep over this one. I did not want to put any offer at all in it and just work on branding my company. But Lisa Wagner and Steve Toburen said it is mandatory. I took these points into account, it is a military town,Stanley Steemer runs a 99.00 special here, the 99.00 special can be 1 or 2 rooms, economy is a little down,Sandee is great at weeding out the tire kickers, it is the winter time when cleaning slows down and quite frankly I didn't know what to offer as a call to action. So any suggestions appreciated.

Jingle-I personally never liked jingles, they seem to cheapen my view of a company unless done perfectly. I was going for a high end yet affordable feel. But I am open to the idea, any suggestions of how to attain one?

Voice louder-We are adjusting that.

Catchy Phrase-Any suggestions?

Once again I truly appreciate the feedback, keep it coming. My wife will tell you, the biggest room in our house is the room for improvement. And she keeps me in there a lot!


Rob

I really like it... The only thing I would change is the voice over. Personally I think a womans voice sounds better. No disrespect to Jerad!

^i partially agree with Jason. Different voices project a different ideas to different people. If your in a military town a mans voice is probably better.

Jingle= for all you floor cleaning needs, call dry and clean then add the phone number a few times (tone is kind of hard to project via message board).... studies show that repeating the # or web address will substantially increase the memorabilia. Next time you see/hear a commercial listen for that and see how well you remember that. It's pretty amazing. And honestly, the jingle will help, but even if you repeat the name and number a few times it will help a lot.

Rob I know everyone is jumping all over the $99 dollar thing, but on the other hand, even RICH people will want to know what they get for $99 so dont kid yourself. I get people in million dollar mansions handing me coupons and cutting corners to save a buck all the time. You didnt cheapen the ad with it because you didnt say what they get for $99. I say dont worry about that too much. Yes you were quiet in the beginning. We could hear what you said but we had to listen carefully, most people watching TV are in a daze and dont listen carefully.

Some of the criticisms here are about things only an experienced carpet cleaner would notice. You are not trying to get our business so again no worries.

I gave the ad an 8. Yes it was the best carpet cleaning commercial I have seen and will attract good high end clientelle for you, just seemed really quick and there wasnt any footage of you in front of the computer managing TMF! , I know you only get 30 seconds. Overall, great job!

the next one use a little humor.......humor disarms the prospect and opens them up to your message. Stanely Steemer commercial when the dog drags his butt across the carpet is priceless.

Don't do the same think....... I don't think anyone would want to see you rub your hinny across the carpet....

Originally Posted by idreadnought

I had an idea for a commercial recently. The scene starts with two women in a living room. One is holding a baby (6mo old or so) The second women reaches out and says "let me hold your baby. Then sets the baby on the carpet and it starts to crawl. The mother of the baby looks horified to see the baby on the carpet. The homeowner says" Its ok, I have my carpets cleaned by Modern Carpet Cleaning. Then the mother relaxes and says "in that case" and gets down on the carpet with the baby or something. Lastly I come on and say"Call us for carpets that are cleaned right and Stay clean longer Mother approved and baby tested Modern Carpet Cleaning. Not to take away from your ad Rob, but what do you guys think?

I like it Richard!

Hey guys, the videographer/editor here. Just to chime in, I really appreciate the critique as well. I'm excited to read that seemingly all of you love the shots and overall I'm getting a positive vibe from this thread. I'm literally blown away by the statement "The best carpet cleaning commercial I have ever seen" and to see it a few times throughout is simply incredible. After the awesome reception the Ride-A-Long DVD Teaser received, we were pumped to stretch that same feeling to our local community. Confident, quality work and the video to prove it! I feel that we've captured that confidence without coming across as too aggressive or cocky. The balance was hard to find but I like to think we achieved it. I certainly feel that humor would be a good route to go with the next one and I feel that this commercial, even in it's current state, will drive customers Dry-N-Clean's way but what you all are saying is priceless. Who better to give advice on a carpet cleaning commercial than other carpet cleaners?

My ears and eyes are wide open!

From an artists perspective, there's nothing better than unbiased, quality critique (especially from knowledgeable people, such as you all) and I just want to state how happy I am to have found it here on TMF. You all prove time and time again how awesome you are and I can only thank you for your input. I'm addressing the audio issues as we speak, hoping to balance it properly as TV media requires certain levels be met and Rob and I will discuss whats been said and will approach the commercial accordingly.

Again, thank you all SO MUCH for your input and I greatly look forward to discussing this with you all further.

I like the commercial Rob! I like the fact that it doesn't look like all of the other commercials you see on TV.

Awesome Job!

Joe

Great job guys. Stephanie and I were watching TV and saw it. We were excited for you Rob. To Jared, good job on the shooting but you should work on your VO. Your voice pops a lot on T's and S's , they should be softened in your edit. Also noticed a few things that should be corrected next time. If you look at the rug shot, there is a rag in the background, that kind of looks sloppy. The same goes for the sofa cleaning shot with the AC adapter in the wall with cords hanging down. In the shot with David cleaning the stairs, there is a big chain on the right side of the screen that shouldn't be in the shot and a flashlight in the outlet. The shot with David in the kitchen , there is soap and stuff on the counter top. So this is just stuff to consider next time. I know most people don't notice this stuff , but I do and that means someone else will as well. One last thing, on the end shot with the logo and phone number, the logo goes outside of title safe. That means anyone that is not blessed with a 16:9 HDTV is going to see the logo get cut off on the edges and the phone number goes right to the edge. It needs to be SD compliant next time for those of us who still watch TV in 4:9. The solid black in the end also bothers me. There could have been a lot more done with that end tag to make it a bit more memorable. Other than those points and the ones mentioned above my post , GREAT JOB. Keep on keepin on.

Hey Rob,

I finally (with a bit of nagging on your part ) bought out the time to focus on your commercial. Overall well done but remember you wanted constructive criticism so here goes:

1. I know you run a multi-truck, multi-employee company and yet you start out talking about "I can't get your carpets clean ..." next time I'd change that to a "we"- you don't want your "branding" to be all about you when it comes to who is going to come to their home.

2. I'd pull back a bit on your intro shot which will give people the whole view of your truck (and reinforce the branding with your logo) plus help resolve the "rushed feeling" mentioned earlier with a wider camera shot.

3. I like the steaming stair shot but I KNOW you could come up with a more dramatic shot of the scrub wand with a really trashed carpet coming to life with a overhead shot looking straight down.

4. Learn from the Stanley Steemer ads and stress the quality of your employees coming into their homes. If you do background checks and/or drug testing mention this. If all your employees have families sell this idea. People are increasingly worried about who is coming into their home.

5. I also agree on the need for a jingle and tag line which should tie in to your web site which leads me to ...

6. Rob, I carefully watched the commercial twice. I don't remember seeing any reference to your web site which you of ALL PEOPLE know the importance of ...

Overall I give the commercial an 8.4 which is high for me. Congratulations for pushing the envelope. Now, most importantly, what is it returning to you in new business you would not have gotten otherwise? Nothing else really matters.

Steve
www.StrategiesforSuccess.com

PS OK, Rob, now your turn to return the favor. We don't have any commercials posted but why don't you and Tre hit us with a solid site analysis/critique of www.StrategiesForSuccess.com I respect you guys opinion, especially when it comes to web sites and SEO. Post it here or e-mail me. Thanks in advance ...

At the start pan out and show the truck ( brand this ) logo and # then on you standing warm greeting and smile then turn go in side voice a little loader and more clear would be nice... a jingle ? .. yes thay are great .. to come up with one ?? that will be a hard one ..

every one knows these guys and I mean every one check it out ..

I should have added I love the Video .. Hows it working ?

Originally Posted by johntalley

I should have added I love the Video .. Hows it working ?

Well the weather and time of year have not helped so hard to gauge the true results. I am positioning myself as "the go to guy" for Spring cleaning. That is my strategy at least. This could be in my mind and it could be for real. One thing is for sure, people are recognizing me and we are setting appointments each day off the ad. But time will tell the true results I suppose.

OK here is an updated version guys. I added the phone number and website right after I talk. What do you think?

Rob